Our oldest daughter is getting married. He is a good man, knows how to relate to her and be emotionally close. He knows her weaknesses and strengths and appreciates both. She does the same for him. My goal was to always embrace our children's friends. I was treated to ill and marginally when I joined my MEM's family, I knew I never wanted anybody to feel that ostracized, alone, abandoned. I made every effort to include the friends. We even had friends of our children live with us for a while.
Our oldest son called up the fiancé and asked if getting married to his sister is really what he wants. The fiancé answered, "yes it is". Then my son said, “just know, whatever it is, we will have your back. You are now part of the family and we will always be there for you.”
It brought tears to my eyes. This is how a healthy family welcomes a new family member. They call them family, they include them, they watch out for them, they help them with whatever they may need, they are no different than any blood relative. How grateful I am that my children understand that even though they have never seen it from the extended family as my family is in a different country. They are inclusive but we just haven't been around them.
There is hope for anybody who has children with a MEM, you can teach them different, you can break the cycle. You can build a better tomorrow.