www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/mark-hausknechts-shooting-was-over-a-grudge-from-20-years-ago-police-say/ar-BBLoeqq?li=BBnb7Kz&ocid=mailsignout
When I read this story I immediately thought, MEM. His mother died during the operation and he held a grudge against the doctor. No healthy person would hold a grudge and plan to kill a doctor because the surgery was not successful. That would have to be a member of a dysfunctional family, namely a MEM. Judge for yourself.
www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/mark-hausknechts-shooting-was-over-a-grudge-from-20-years-ago-police-say/ar-BBLoeqq?li=BBnb7Kz&ocid=mailsignout
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I got an email from a MEM victim asking me to write a a letter to her clergyman because he doesn't believe any of the abuse she explained to him. She field for divorce but her MEM became even more vicious and abusive. He wants to be the victim. He wants the sympathy of his enmeshed mother and all who know him. He is the poor victim and he knows how to play that role expertly. His wife moved out and after a few days he begged her to move into their house and he would move out. He told everybody that she kicked him out. He took all the dog food in the house and told everybody his wife is starving the dogs, he took the license plate off the car in the middle of the night an turned the lights on and told everybody he had to do it because he doesn't have enough money to live and the insurance is costing too much, and the list goes on. Supported by a dysfunctional family they all agree that he is the victim who needs support against his evil wife. They all rally around him, giving him money and inviting him to their homes because he is going through such a rough time with such an evil wife. Even people who know both of them are convinced that she is the perpetrator and mentally unstable. She has been trying to live with the enmeshed dynamic but got to her breaking point where she wanted to be the only partner, and not mother and siblings as partners and she is only a co-partner. Consequently his family believes she should be in a mental institution, she has lost it. Studying MEM and their families, we know they are in a closed family unit and will always support the enmeshment and dysfunction and will demonize anybody calling dysfunction and abuse what it is. She is left all alone. The family and friends don't get the subtle put-downs, the twisting of words, the stone walling, the triangulation with mother who is always better, the abuse and criticism from the family heaped upon her, the flirting with mother, the flirting with other women, and so on. A MEM victim is often left completely alone. For years the victim tries to be what MEM expects but constantly falls short because it is impossible for any person to live up to the unrealistic expectations of a MEM. In an effort to be heard, to be understood, to speak truth, my friend went to her clergyman asking for help. What she received was nothing short of abuse. Double abuse. She meets in the same congregation as her husband. He already laid the groundwork long ago in devaluing her contributions, in undermining her intelligence and talents, for clergyman and congregation it is clear, she is crazy. She has been trying to sabotage this beautiful relationship with mom and look where it got her, she is all alone, nobody wants to be around her. The clergyman felt the need to punish her for implying her MEM is abusive. She is in need of repentance. She goes to the clergyman over her area to seek help for the abuse from her MEM and the preacher. The clergyman had already been warned by the MEM and the preacher that this woman is lying and not to believe her. The clergyman, who supposedly is a man of God, does not even listen, he simply dismisses her saying that she needs repentance, she is all alone in this, everybody supports her MEM and she needs to ponder that fact and go home. In her last desperate attempt to be heard, to have her experience validated, she asks some of her family and friends to write a letter to both clergyman explaining the abuse witnessed. As a result she was called into the office and stripped of all her privileges and comradely in her congregation. She can come and sit in the congregation but is no longer allowed to participate. She again was reprimanded for lying about her spouse. All because she called abuse what it is and received more abuse by those who are supposed to be understanding, kind, helpful, and the mouthpiece of a loving God. Same scenario happened to another friend of mine. Her MEM was abusive. She asked for help and was stripped of her privileges in her congregation for lying about her spouse's abuse of her. Law enforcement believed her much quicker when her ex tried to run her off the road with their children in the car. The clergyman still didn't validate her experience, her as a human. Clergyman, preachers, bishops, whatever the name, are not trained in counseling. Often the side with the abuser. Unfortunately many of the men in authority have narcissistic tendencies, they enjoy the power bestowed upon them and some actively seek it. On top of verbal, emotional, financial, sexual, and psychological abuse from the MEM, victims also experience religious abuse from their ecclesiastical leaders. In most cases it is pointless to ask in your church for help leaving an abusive relationship with a MEM, the leaders unconsciously site with the abuser feeling the same energy as the abuser and become abusers to the victim as well. At the end the victim is devastated and broken with nowhere to turn. Most regular folks don't understand MEM and their dysfunctional families, they are simply inept to help. Seek help from professionals and those who have lived with a MEM and will validate your feelings, knowing you can't make this stuff up, MEMs and their families are seriously completely dysfunctional and stuck to a point nobody believes possible. Just don't turn to your church leaders, you'll experience more abuse and victim shaming. |
AuthorIn a relationship with a Mother Enmeshed Men for over 17 years, 15 married. Way too long! Lots of experience and insight into what it is like to be the spouse of a MEM and what a MEM couple can do to survive. Archives
April 2024
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