He went so far to use his mother's toothbrush when he accidentally did not bring his. I was disgusted for days after. He didn't care at all.
When I brought that up the other day he became visibly upset. He said I am making things up, he never acted like that, he would have never massaged her shoulders all the time or put his legs on her lab, and so forth. No, no, no, he would never do that. He twisted it to be my twisted mind to even think that. Some of it I have pictures and he still insists that it was a one time deal and just for a second but he would never sit on the couch with his arm around his mother. It was just for the picture. He absolutely denies his past. He gets upset about his past. He accuses me of making things up about his past. He is very unhappy about his past.
He completely denies parts of his past. We quit the discussion. It wasn't going anywhere, just got both of us upset because I know what I saw. I know I am not lying, I know how sick it was to watch them be all lovey dovey with each other. I was there. I am a witness.
He was there but as a victim. A victim who is trying to protect his mother and himself. Especially now that he has made lots of progress and no longer is completely under his mother's power. He is sure it never happened. He denies part of his past to protect himself from the truth. He is a victim of abuse. He willingly participated because he could not see he is a victim. He is disgusted with his actions as a victim. It is easier to deny the past.
I think true healing will only happen if a MEM can see the abuse and acknowledge it. When the MEM sees he was a victim of abuse and his mother was the perpetrator who acted out of control and her own selfishness and not out of love. There is no love a MEM mother has to give, only control.