I looked up PTSD because of all the emotions that immediately bubbled up in me when she simply mentioned the name of my mem's relatives.
The Mayo clinic explains it like this:
Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms may start within one month of a traumatic event, but sometimes symptoms may not appear until years after the event. These symptoms cause significant problems in social or work situations and in relationships. They can also interfere with your ability to go about your normal daily tasks.
PTSD symptoms are generally grouped into four types: intrusive memories, avoidance, negative changes in thinking and mood, and changes in physical and emotional reactions. Symptoms can vary over time or vary from person to person.
Intrusive memories
Symptoms of intrusive memories may include:
- Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event
- Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks)
- Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event
- Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event
Symptoms of avoidance may include:
- Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event
- Avoiding places, activities or people that remind you of the traumatic event
Symptoms of negative changes in thinking and mood may include:
- Negative thoughts about yourself, other people or the world
- Hopelessness about the future
- Memory problems, including not remembering important aspects of the traumatic event
- Difficulty maintaining close relationships
- Feeling detached from family and friends
- Lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed
- Difficulty experiencing positive emotions
- Feeling emotionally numb
Symptoms of changes in physical and emotional reactions (also called arousal symptoms) may include:
- Being easily startled or frightened
- Always being on guard for danger
- Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much or driving too fast
- Trouble sleeping
- Trouble concentrating
- Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior
- Overwhelming guilt or shame
Intensity of symptoms
PTSD symptoms can vary in intensity over time. You may have more PTSD symptoms when you're stressed in general, or when you come across reminders of what you went through. For example, you may hear a car backfire and relive combat experiences. Or you may see a report on the news about a sexual assault and feel overcome by memories of your own assault.
As I read this information I realized a spouse of a mem has many traumatic experiences with him and his family. Years after cutting contact there are still things that can set off the same feelings as if they just dished out the abuse. Trying to avoid any kind of contact or in any way being reminded of the abuse and the people is real. I am willing to move, even leave the country just to know I will never run into any of them or anybody asking me one more time if I know so and so with the same last name. Just hearing the names of the abusers in the family changed my mood immediately and affected my health. Instead of enjoying the next week I was constantly moving around, not sure how I could get away, far away, forever. I had the urge to just get in the car and start driving and driving until I knew nobody would know any of my MEM's family. I was short with my children and depressed that I am stuck. Stuck with a name I hate and a situation I can't change besides avoiding his family as best as I can. He has changed much and I am staying, I just wish there was nothing to remind us of the past and the abuse I suffered from him and his entire family. The lack of support from all of them and their desire to destroy me emotionally and psychologically. PTSD is real for all partners of a MEM.