I noticed the first few appointments we had that his mother would be there. I recognized her from a time long ago when we were at her house with my MEM's mother. I distinctly remember the way she talked about her daughter in law. This was long before I learned about MEMs. She had nothing good to say about her. Not one thing. Her son had moved away to attend school and she blamed it all on his wife. She was so upset that the wife didn't want her to continue their close relationship. He is an only son, only child, the parents divorced when he was little. She raised him, he was her companion. I remember feeling angry at all the things she said about the daughter in law because I felt my MEMs mother agreeing with everything and condemning the daughter in law without ever finding anything, really nothing, good about her. That just seemed wrong. I guess unconsciously I knew I was talked about the same way whenever I was not around. We left my MEM's mother there that day to spend the night and I was sure their conversation would be a long session of daughter in law bashing and praising their perfect loyal sons.
The first few times we went to see him as doctor, I had no idea there was a relation. I saw the cousin there and didn't think much of it. It wasn't until we spoke briefly, she didn't recognize me, that she told me that the doctor is her son. She brings him lunch every day and eats with him. He moved back to be close to her. He also told us that he moved close to home to take care of his mother. It was his reason for becoming a nature path doctor because his mother has so many ailments that the regular doctors don't know what to do with them. He would help her feel better and therefore he had to be close to her. Of course by then I knew enmeshment and immediately I knew he was highly enmeshed and hopeless. His mother told us he was divorced and re-married to a lady with 4 children. He had 3 with his first wife. I debated for weeks to anonymously send his wife a copy of "When He's Married to Mom."
The mother totally looks the part of the ailing mother who needs constant help. When they moved office we were not sure we were at the right place. We drove around the new building and my son, 14 at the time said, we can't be in the right place, I don't see his mother's car. All our children immediately figured the enmeshment. We still went to him because he knew his profession. His personality was not attractive but with only one other choice of a naturopath doctor, who was obviously narcissistic, we kept going back.
After his face was plastered on every newspaper and Facebook, we talked about him and his enmeshment for a while. We happen to know some police officers and were able to get a little more information. The sexual abuse happened with a family member. He preferred teenage girls. He expressed a desire to volunteer for a girl's church group to give free medical exams. My MEM asked, do you think he was more prone as a sexual predator because of his mother enmeshment?
That question led to a discussion on mama's boy growing up sexually dysfunctional in ways because of the unhealthy close sexualized relationship between mother and son.
There is no doubt, there is an energy exchange between mother and son that is not natural and any person can feel it, only they often think it is cute to see this close relationship between mother and son. My mother enmeshed man's sister once told me that her mother gets all giddy when my MEM comes around, she said; “almost like she is in love.” Even she, who denies any unhealthy relationship, felt something was off but supported it because it was the only time she would see mother smile or laugh. Only my MEM could get her to be happy and the family pushed him into this relationship in order to keep her happy.
A MEM grows up not really knowing his own sexuality. They are under mother's command. As Kenneth Adams explains in his book “When He's Married to MOM” that there are different ways a MEM will work in this dysfunction. Some will have lots of girl friends and never commit to one, others will have sexual dysfunctions.
I strongly believe that there is a correlation. A MEM who was not allowed to become a man through the interaction with men and finding his masculinity, is more prone to want to control women. He is angry at women in general, even though the anger comes from his mother controlling him and has nothing to do with other women in his life. The fact is he does not respect women. The only woman he blindly obeys but hardly respects is mother. The fact that this doctor, from what we gathered by talking with the police, sexually abused a teenage daughter, speaks volumes. He is not close to his wife, couldn't be, the emotional place is taken by mother. He desires sex. His wife desires emotional closeness in order to enjoy sex. He finds a substitute, conveniently, in the next generation. He will become enmeshed with a child of the opposite sex in the next generation. This can go on for generations if nobody is firm in breaking the cycle. Some stop at the flirting, others take it further and have sexual relationships with their daughters. Both stem from being mother enmeshed without a concept of what a secure attachment feels like. A relationship in their experience is control. And this control is duped love.
Another aspect is the fact that a MEM feels entitled. He has been treated as a special person with problems dumped on him beyond what he can handle. It made him feel powerful, he was equal to mom long before he was able to drive a car. He was needed in a big way. He feels empowered by having control and feels entitled to get what he wants because he is so special.
I believe a MEM is more prone to being a sexual predator due to his desire of being in control and having a lack of concept what a healthy loving relationship feels like and a fear of true emotional closeness and an utter disrespect for women in general.