After 20+ years of marriage I can't think of a single instance where I got a note of gratitude. I have done all the work she did and then some, because I work in our business and have twice the amount of children and yet my work is taken for granted. It is especially sad when I think of all the months I was pregnant and my body was letting me know there was an extra weight to carry but it was the most normal thing in the world that I would still care for everything in the house and the children and work in the business. I came to the conclusion that a MEM has high expectations but no gratitude, no sense of compassion. He simply does not understand the work it takes sometimes to have children, clean a house, work, and take care of his desires who are usually selfish and take away ones energy.
As long as he is cared for and gets what he wants in the marriage and his emotional closeness from mother, he couldn't care less what is going on around him. He will complain if the expectations of a clean house for example are not met or the children's clothing isn't what he expects but he will never honestly say Thank You nor lift a finger to help! Simply can't get himself to. That would mean to be vulnerable. That would mean to admit someone else did something good. Did something praise worthy. That is intolerable for a MEM, only mother can be praised.
Eight month pregnant with our third baby I looked out the kitchen window and saw smoke. Our dump trailer we used for our business in construction site and property clean up, was on fire. The battery had somehow started a fire. We had an artisan well without water pressure. I got a bucket and brought it in the house to fill up in the bathtub, which took forever. I waddled outside lugging the 5 gallon bucket with me and dumped it on the fire. It looked like it made no difference. I ran back and did it again but by the time I came back out I realized it was hopeless, I could not fight this fire. I tried calling my MEM but he didn't answer the phone. I felt I had not recourse but to call the fire department which I did. They were very nice, came and put the fire out. As they were leaving my MEM came home. I was so relieved, I wanted to cry but knew that I couldn't show weakness. Any weakness is despised. I would have been compared to his sisters again who could have easily put the fire out 9 month pregnant or even in labor. I bit back tears and was rewarded with a lecture on how I should have been able to put the fire out and keep the fire department out of it. I had failed yet again in his eyes. I would never measure up to his expectations and I certainly will never hear a simple thank you for all that I put up with living with a MEM. He relate the story to another member of our congregation and how frustrated he was that I called the fire department. This gentlemen said but look, she did the best she could at the time. There is nothing wrong with it, the fire was put out. Obviously this gentleman was not a MEM, he could show compassion and gratitude. MEMs have high expectations of their partner but will not give praise or gratitude, that is reserved for mother and only for mother.