www.thesun.co.uk/news/12500326/mom-son-caught-incest-fitchburg-massachusetts/?utm_source=knewz
I came across this newspaper article and immediately knew this was emotional incest for years before it became physical incest. There is a sexual attraction between enmeshed mothers and their sons and enmeshed fathers and their daughters. Especially once you know about enmeshment you immediately see it and feel how the vibes the couple gives off are unnatural and just plain weird. The sexual charged energy is there in enmeshment but is often interpreted as cute. Those of us who have experience with MEMS know better, there is nothing cute about the dysfunctional relationship between an enmeshed mother and her son. Make sure you have a bucket to throw up in when you read this article. It is sickening.
www.thesun.co.uk/news/12500326/mom-son-caught-incest-fitchburg-massachusetts/?utm_source=knewz
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Our family invested in an old home to rent out as vacation rental. It needed a little bit of work like tearing out old carpet in the kitchen. We tore it out and bought a laminate floor to put in. My MEM went on a business trip and I was left behind with a couple of our kids. I thought I could put the floor in to make progress, we could rent it for hunting season if we can get it up and running quickly. Immediately I gave up on that thought because I knew if I were to do the flooring my MEM would complain. There would be lots of criticism. I thought back over the years and realized how constant criticism has changed what I believe about myself. In college as a young woman I fixed everything and wasn't afraid to try anything. I fixed my old rabbit diesel numerous times, struts, breaks, break cylinder, changed oil, and more. Anything needed doing, I was up for it. I was confident and even if things didn't totally work, I was not feeling like a failure, I just chalked it up as a learning experience and went on trying different things. Right from the beginning of our relationship I was criticized constantly by my MEM and his family. I guess having grown up with an abusive father who did nothing but criticize, I didn't even realize at first how sick and wrong that was. I didn't keep the house as clean as I should, I didn't dress right for my body type, I didn't use the right words to express myself, I didn't use the bathroom as I should, I didn't build shelves right, I didn't cook nutritious food, I made too big of a deal out of birthdays, I spent too much money for things that aren't important like books, I didn't drive well, I needed to wear makeup, I should not teach other languages to our children, I didn't create the products to sell right, I didn't make out the orders for our business right we end up with too many of one size, and the list went on and on and on like a big roll of toilet paper. I simply couldn't measure up. Even when others made me a compliment it was destroyed by criticism. Once I taught a lesson in church and a very respected man in the community came up after and told me that he came pondering needing to take care of a delicate conversation in the afternoon and I gave him all the answers with my lesson on how to present it. I felt uplifted but immediately was told it wasn't anything special, he says that to everybody to make you feel good but doesn't really mean it. I remember one of the leaders in our church having the youth drop off yellow roses for me as a thank you for all the work I did with the youth. I sat down in tears. I had been married for several years, had four children and I realized I had not heard anything positive or nice about myself for a long long time. I couldn't even remember ever having heard anything positive at home. The once vibrant young woman was now quiet and scared. The constant criticism took a toll. I was no longer who I was meant to be. It still took a few years after before I hit rock bottom knowing I could not go on another day with being torn to pieces every day. I called it quits. That's when my MEM started counseling. Years of it. He is doing better but still loves to criticize. I am blessed to have moved to a wonderful neighborhood where I have the support of my neighbor friends who can basically see your soul. They all work with energy and they see beyond the shell we build to protect ourselves. They have become some of the most healing influences in my life. Why does a MEM criticize so much? Steven Stosny Ph.D. wrote in an article titled: “What's wrong with Criticism” in Psychology today about just that. Every Mem eperiences it. “It's because criticism is an easy form of ego defense. We don’t criticize because we disagree with a behavior or an attitude. We criticize because we somehow feel devalued by the behavior or attitude. Critical people tend to be easily insulted and especially in need of ego defense. Critical people were often criticized in early childhood by caretakers, siblings, or peers, at an age when criticism can be especially painful. They cannot distinguish criticism of their behavior from outright rejection, no matter how much we try to make the distinction for them, as in the well-intentioned, “You’re a good boy, but this behavior is bad.” Such a distinction requires a higher prefrontal cortex operation, which is beyond most young children. For a child under seven, anything more than occasional criticism, even if soft-pedaled, means they’re bad and unworthy. The only thing young children can do to survive is attach emotionally to people who will take care of them. Feeling unworthy of attachment, as criticized young children are apt to feel, can seem like life or death. So they try to control the great pain of criticism by turning it into self-criticism--because self-inflicted pain is better than unpredictable rejection by loved ones. By early adolescence, such children begin to “identify with the aggressor”--emulating the more powerful criticizer. By late adolescence, their self-criticism expands to criticism of others. By young adulthood, it appears to have shifted entirely to criticism of others. But most critical people remain primarily self-critical—I have never treated one who was not.” A MEM was criticized growing up by an overly involved mother who wanted her little man to be perfect. My MEM's family always criticizes people for not showing respect. It is all about respect. You are not showing respect when you are not blindly obeying. You need to blindly obey or you are not to be part of the family. You have to show respect, be obedient. My MEM heard that ever since he was born, be obedient, that shows respect and you are to show respect to your parents, especially your mother or you are not a good boy. A MEM is bound to be criticizing everybody, especially a partner, because their self esteem is so low, they can't have someone else be happy and succeed around them without feeling angry. How dare you enjoy life when I am miserable in my skin, I'll show you how to be as miserable and the criticism never ends. |
AuthorIn a relationship with a Mother Enmeshed Men for over 17 years, 15 married. Way too long! Lots of experience and insight into what it is like to be the spouse of a MEM and what a MEM couple can do to survive. Archives
April 2024
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