My friend's son gave up gaming and went through a withdrawal period. It was hard. It was real. It was an addiction that had him acting, he wasn't himself. Although not a MEM I was wondering if a mem would be prone to addiction. Looking at all the mother enmeshed man I know, I think there is definitely something to it.
Some are addicted to work, others to pornography, others to hunting and fishing, gaming, or alcohol. I am sure there are more types of addiction we can find with mem.
Why will a mem continue an addiction even if it is destroying their relationship?
Some reasons are, it gives them a feeling. MEM don't feel very well, they were not allowed to have feelings, they were the mom's puppet all their lives. I just read a letter my MEM's mother wrote him for his last birthday praising him for watching out for her already when he was 5 years old. He wouldn't play outside without coming in every few minutes to check on her when she wasn't feeling well. What a poor child having the responsibility to take care of his mother before he was even 5 years old. He was not allowed feelings besides the worry for his mother. His own feelings never mattered or were validated. An addiction lets the mem feel. It is intense enough to get through the wall they build to protect their feelings.
An addiction is also not a relationship. If a MEM is addicted it is not seen as competition for affection by the mother. Mother is not jealous of an addiction but she sure is if mem has a partner or is even interested in another woman. That is competition for her and she starts fighting the competition. An addiction is tolerated by mom and sadly often supported. For a mem mother it is a way to help destroy the relationships her son might want or have with another woman. If she can support the addiction, nobody else but her will be there for him.
Indulging in an addiction is also an escape. Escaping into a world that is not real is a way for a mem to feel safe for a moment. Be it in a game or in a drug, the world is no longer real but bearable. The intense feeling of intuitively knowing they are not who they were meant to be, is gone for a moment. Gone is the frustration and anger they feel within themselves without knowing why it is there. They are an explosion waiting to happen as soon as they are triggered. Often spouses or partners don't know what they said that triggered so much anger, it is all unconscious for the mem. In addiction they are just present without expectations from others.
Addiction helps a mem to have an excuse for not being close. It gives the mem a way to keep the distance from their partners. They can't express why they can't become emotionally close to anybody but their mom. They can't understand themselves and think everything is as it is for all other couples. They never experienced a secure attachment, they can't fathom what it would feel like to have a real partner they can lean on. The addiction helps them have an excuse for not being close. It is visual for the partner to see, gaming, hunting, or work keeps them busy. No need for emotional explanations of why a mem avoids his partner, it is pretty obvious.
In addiction their contributions are validated. They will make it to the next level or a workoholic will be rewarded with praise, in hunting they get the big buck, etc. In a human relationship to be rewarded is not the goal. The goal is to feel close and secure, which a MEM can't fathom, simply doesn't get. He wants his contributions praised and validated even if they are nothing spectacular, for him they are because he doesn't do relationships and he is usually a narcissist. It is all about him. Addiction can be controlled, a partner cannot.
I am sure the list goes on and many of you will have different experiences with addiction and your MEM but I believe all addiction goes back to a lack of healthy brain development as a child. The controlling environment and responsibility toward mother keeps the mem on edge. He never feels safe and therefore can't develop an understanding of a healthy relationship. Addiction is a great way to create feelings and a sense of control when his life has always seemed totally out of control. All that was ever constant was mother's control over him and her false love for him.