We had many arguments over it but little by little he saw more and more. He would usually come back from a visit all angry and unhappy for weeks. Gradually the visits became less and he started to see the passive aggressive dysfunction. He also realized she would never say anything positive about me but always had something to criticize that she would package in simply not understanding how a professing Christian could act that way. It was always meant to get him angry at me, which worked for decades but started to show through once he learned about dysfunctional families.
His visits became less and less. The last visit he had he didn't even stay a couple of hours. He said they had nothing to talk about. He went to see her when she lay dying. She had a stroke and the family decided to put her on hospice and let her die. I believe she could have recovered but the family, without wanting to consciously admit it, were sick and tired of her guilt trips and decided to let her die.
He became the son and brother again of his family of origin and didn't realize how he slipped back so easily. I wasn't going to go through any drama again, I simply would not talk about her dying or his family. Once he was contacted that she had died he felt relieved. He couldn't explain why he felt excited for her to be gone.
The real eye opener came when the attorney sent the last will. He was excluded from getting anything from her. At first I couldn't believe it but then I had to laugh. He gave up over 4 decades to cater to her every whim but once he choose his wife over her, she was so angry she needed to punish him somehow. Couldn't be openly because of her passive aggressive dysfunction. She went and had her will changed to exclude him and his family. That is how deep the hatred goes for the spouse of a MEM. The MEM mom is willing to exclude her favorite child if they are no longer controllable. If they choose their own paths, which every child should, they are basically dead to them. It is a grave offense to put another woman above an enmeshed mother. She thought she will make him pay for his disloyal behavior by excluding him. I was sad that she had that little respect for him but on the other hand, who would want cursed money anyway? Not me. I will gladly turn that down along with all her dysfunction and guilt trips.
Just glad I was excluded from the funeral as well, I would have exploded listening to all the lies about this saintly woman who would never do anything wrong knowing darn well she had an evil heart.