If you think there is anybody in the MEM's family you can trust, think again. No matter who it is, whoever is in contact with the dysfunctional family is still part of the dysfunction. Everybody who has not moved clear away from it and cut contact is part of the dysfunction and is dangerous to confide in.
There are others who are not accepted into the family but who are not stepping away, still trying to be part of the family even though it is impossible. They are the worshipers, always praising people in the family or the needy person, always sick and in need of assistance. Others make their place in the family by being the spy. They come with new information on the perceived culprit and troublemaker and are made to feel good by the closed family unit for bringing them more ammo against the troublemaker.
This was brought home strongly the other day. My MEM's brother called him to talk him into coming to a family reunion. As if nothing ever happened. I know how dumb can they be to think all their evil is simply forgotten and we will join again as a happy peachy family. Needless to say my MEM told him we would not come but mentioned that we had moved. He asked his brother not to tell anybody.
A couple days later an email arrived in his Inbox from his mother saying she'd like to send a birthday present for one of our children and she wasn't sure what address to mail it to, she can't remember our address just right. Yeah right, the address we had for 25 years all of a sudden left her memory. My MEM told her to mail it to our old address. We still have a PO Box there, nothing obviously would have changed. Why would she all of a sudden ask that? You guessed it, the spy has reported. My MEM's sister-in-law was always the spy in her undying attempted to be accepted into the family, even if just marginally. She immediately reported our move. To make things even more interesting, a couple of days after that I received this long message on facebook telling me how much she enjoys looking at the Instagram of our children and how wonderful my children are and how excited she is for us to start this new adventure in this new place and on and on as if we were best friends for the past five decades.
I know she wanted me to be all friendly and tell her what we are doing because she needs the info to get a little bit of attention at the reunion, her knowing things nobody else knows, her being friendly with the culprit they want to send hate to. Instead of feeling warm fuzzies I felt myself get angry. How dare she pretended she didn't stab me in the back with the rest when crap hit the fan. How dare she figures we are buddies now. At first I thought I will just ignore it but realized she is desperate to be part of the dysfunction for even just a split second in her illusion of becoming a member of the family. She would travel to our new place just to say she's been there. I am certain of that, just so she can report and be praised for her efforts by the dysfunctional family plotting the next attack on me. I had better set the boundaries straight. I replied saying that I have no desire to have any contact with anybody in the family and that I appreciate her not contacting me again nor visiting us at all. I thanked her for understanding even though I knew she didn't and never would. She simply stays in the dysfunction and tries to be part and will for the rest of her life.
Do not trust anybody in the MEM family. They all have their place, they all contribute to the dysfunction and there is absolutely no way ever in this world to have contact with one without it affecting you negatively. Everything you say or they interpret you said will be used against you. Any move you make will be evaluated in the mindset of you causing trouble. Do not trust a single person as long as they have contact with the dysfunction they are part of it, it will affect you. Simply cut contact and keep reiterating your boundaries. Be firm. Be a warrior when it comes to your boundaries. Don't budge. Put your life on the line to protect your children from this utter dysfunction. Choose the lonely life away from family to know and find peace in having made the best choice for your posterity. You are giving your children a real future, something that would never be possible without your sacrifice and undying love for them.