I met the mother enmeshed men I was to marry many years ago. I guess it felt familiar when he called me a bitch or when he withdrew from me or when he promised we would date exclusively and then dated others. He was unable to commit. I have never met a more wishy washy man. Somehow I had the hope that after marriage he would be committed and happy. I was blind to reality, even though I was almost 30 years old.
My boyfriends mother pulled me aside one day when we were dating more seriously and asked me to go for a walk with her. She being blind, which I later realized fits her personality of not wanting to see reality perfectly, needed someone to walk with her. I didn't think much of it until she started becoming really serious as she lectured me of having received revelation that I am not right for her son. She knew that but he can't see it and she needed to make sure we are not making the mistake of getting married. Because he couldn't see it and wasn't strong enough she told me to disappear. No phone calls, no visits, no emails, no contact whatsoever. She knew this was best.
Incredulous at her guts to lie in my face I stumbled something to the effect that I can receive my own revelation and did not need her to do that for me.
She assured me that she knew what was best. She once thought her ex-husband would be the one for her but 20 years later they divorced and she knows what we think to be right is not always right. She has enough experience to know it wasn't right.
Furious I returned and asked my boyfriend, we will call him Karl, to step outside with me. I complaint that I was disgusted with him being such a chicken to send his mother to break up with me. When I got done he simply said that he had not send her and didn't know anything about it. He told her that she should have talked to him first before talking to me.
She never apologized, remained in her false believe that she can receive revelation for someone else that is not under her care. Karl swore she did it out of the goodness of her heart. She really felt we would not be good for each other and therefore she took it upon herself to set it straight.
How little did I know about mother enmeshed men. Had I known more, I would have left the relationship. With my false hope I continued. Suffering for years through severe emotional abuse and pains, inflicted by Karl and his family. You see a MEM gives his family of origin permission to abuse his wife. The loyalty bond to his dysfunctional family is much stronger than any relationship he will ever experience in life. In no way would he jeopardize the unhealthy attachment to mom or the rest of the family. He'd rather sacrifice and torture and abuse his spouse.
Mom, in a MEMs mind, is holy. she is a Saint. Nobody and nothing will come close to her holiness.
That leads to another problem. The spouse is on constant competition with the mom but will never be able to win because you see the expectations and what a MEM remembers of mom is unattainable. Mom in his mind was perfect, he can't remember any flaws but he sees all little flaws in his spouse. It is impossible for a wife to compete with the emotional incest that was build in this unhealthy mother-son partnership. It is a miserable place to be for a spouse of a MEM. .