He was used to horses and we went to a place where he used to ride with tourists through some mountains. We had been dating for a while, the roller coaster of wanting me close and then pushing me away. We had camped the night before, he took the comfortable bed in the back of the truck and I got a small bench in the front. A red flag, if one truly appreciates and loves his or her partner, one would be willing to sacrifice for them to be comfortable.
As soon as we got to the place with tourists, he saw one of the girls guiding rides and immediately was attracted to her. He told me that he didn't want anybody thinking we were dating, I am simply a friend he brought along and not to stay by his side. Another big red flag.
As he was wagging his tail around this girl, he also enjoyed making rude remarks to me to show this girl what a great knowledgeable guy he is. Another big red flag, being put down for him to feel superior. One of the remarks was that I looked like a sack of potatoes on a horse. I rode equestrian style growing up, I knew I had a good seat and posture because my teacher made us sit up. We also had to cross our stirrups and ride without for long periods of time to get a good seat and balance in the saddle. It wasn't an English saddle but I wasn't sure what I was doing wrong that he would pick on me in front of everybody else all the time.
He made fun of me when we went to get in line to get dinner because I was just a dude there, not an experienced worker. The only person who was kind to me was the cook, who complimented me several times. All these red flags and I ignored them. One day with this torture should have taught me to go home and never think of this MEM again, to be glad to be rid of him.
I think it was my upbringing with an abusive father that I thought it was OK to be treated like trash, a pawn in the MEM's hand to use as he pleases.
I tried to teach my daughters the red flags, to never date a guy who puts them through a roller coaster. I hope I succeeded, both my daughters found wonderful young men who treasure them and who treat them well. I am very happy for them and glad at least they were able to break out of the cycle and find happiness. True happiness and emotional closeness.
Teach your daughters to run if the dating is a roller coaster, if they are a pawn in the guys power, if he is disrespectful in front of others, if he is not committed as soon as he sees another girl he finds pretty, and so on. Make sure your daughters pick better.