Staying with a MEM is a lonely life. The abuse is always right in front of your eyes. The past is your present at all times. Sad. Lonely. Hopeless indeed.
We talked about what we should do when MEM's mother is dying or found dead. It is difficult because the MEM is feeling guilty for not having done enough, feeling emotional, wants support. The MEM spouse is feeling more relieved and glad this chapter is being closed. My MEM's mother is dying and he, of course, wanted to go see her. I thought he would. I thought he would feel guilty. I knew his family would be there. I also know how he reverts back to being the child and mother's little man when he is around his family. He wanted to just say good bye and then leave. Of course that didn't happen, he stayed. He is still part of his family of origin. They embraced him. Only him. I never was part of the family. I never was included. At a time when I should be a support to him, I feel like running away. I don't want anything to do with his family. I don't want to hear about how fun it is to visit with them all. I don't want to hear how mother recognized him. I just wonder why I am here. Why did I stay this long when I really can't stand his family? How can I become emotionally close to the product of such a dysfunctional family? I know they can say the most negative, vile and disgusting things about me and he will never stand up for me. He would never upset anybody in his family. He knows it would upset them if he stood up for me. He can't risk upsetting them, even after not having much to do with them for years. They still rank higher than his spouse. Will always rank higher.
Staying with a MEM is a lonely life. The abuse is always right in front of your eyes. The past is your present at all times. Sad. Lonely. Hopeless indeed.
3 Comments
|
AuthorIn a relationship with a Mother Enmeshed Men for over 17 years, 15 married. Way too long! Lots of experience and insight into what it is like to be the spouse of a MEM and what a MEM couple can do to survive. Archives
April 2024
Categories |