I was traveling and listening to a CD my sister had sent me. Hans Jellouscheck, a psychologist in Europe, explained how humans act out if they are not seen and acknowledged. His case study was of a married man with children who had affairs. His wife was busy with children and wasn't always in the mood for intimacy and instead of understanding and helping with chores, connecting emotionally, he got more pushy, asking for it more instead of less. That force kept her moving away even more and enjoying it less. He then started having affairs, blaming her for not being in the mood. Dr. Jellouscheck explains how a person, who grew up with little in his control, becomes a person who cannot connect properly. Of course I immediately thought of MEM. Dr. Jellouscheck said that lust is the only “fun” a person, who is under the control of someone else, is able to find. Lust is the only place they feel they are in control. This made sense. MEM are often very pushy in getting their way when it comes to intimacy. They will pout if they don't get what they want and they want it often. They will coerce their partners into intimacy when the partner clearly is not in the mood. Just constantly going on and on until the partner gives in just to get some sleep. Get it over with but not a bonding experience. This made sense to me, a MEM was never allowed to have control over his life, he is always under mother's control. There is no unconditional acceptance or validation of who he is from the parents. His entire life is basically a lie. He was lied to before he could speak. He was only accepted in being obedient but never loved. Often the father had no relationship with the mem at all, pushing him towards the mother rather than rescuing him away from her. Lust is the only place a mem finds some enjoyment as if he has control. A MEM life has been a lie from the beginning and nobody dares to call it what it is.
1 Comment
|
AuthorIn a relationship with a Mother Enmeshed Men for over 17 years, 15 married. Way too long! Lots of experience and insight into what it is like to be the spouse of a MEM and what a MEM couple can do to survive. Archives
April 2024
Categories |
|