When I finally found my voice again in this abusive family I was constantly told to move on, leave it in the past. Nobody, not one person acknowledged that the dysfunctional family caused pain. Trying to explain even to my mem that our past is our present and you can't just leave it in the past, met with deaf ears. Our body remembers, our pain lives within us. Wounds cannot be healed unless they are doctored up, the wound has to be addressed and dressed and cleaned for healing to occur.
MEM spouses try to explain the hurt, plead our case, just want to acknowledge how messed up the mem family is but the more we try the more the mem and his family push back with making the spouse out to be crazy, asking to much, too demanding, not understanding family dynamics, and so on. The only thing we really can do is to understand that a mem is not capable of taking emotional accountability for his actions. He has no emotional intelligence, no empathy, no way to know what is normal.
In order to understand and process what happened to us we need to just understand who they are and how things will most likely never going to change. We can only set boundaries as to what we allow or whom we allow around us. Best to have strict boundaries with mem families, they will destroy you if given the chance.