Want until the person giving is out of energy.
When Holidays roll around I am often reminded of the many Holidays that were sabotaged by the MEM and his family. With a MEM there isn't a real family time as family to him not only includes his mother but basically evolves around the mother. I realized all Holidays are planned with his mother and him and I am presented with the plans after they were made. Of course we always had to see his mother and spent time with her. One Christmas I finally said I want our own traditions and I am refusing to take the children to go to his family and do what they order has to be done. Wasn't a happy Holiday as that just brought doom and gloom to the family. Now with Easter today I am reminded of the many Easter celebrations I prepared for our children and always had a small gift for my MEM. He participated in the egg hunt with the kids, not really picking up candy but looking for his gifts. A couple of years ago I did not have a gift. I thought about it but whenever I thought of the Easters past, he would get his gifts and say nothing. There was no facial expression that would tell me what he thought about it, no thank you, no excitement, nothing. Stone face with no expression. I came to the conclusion he must not like receiving gifts at Easter and I had better not get anymore. Given the fact that he NEVER had a gift for me, I thought he must think giving gifts for Easter is childish and would rather not have any. The kids were excited as always, hunted for eggs and had fun. MEM as always walked around looking for eggs and candy but only picking up an occasional piece of candy and then, when everybody had found their stuff, the realization came that there was no gift for him. He marched over to me asking: Why is there nothing for me? Me:I didn't think you liked getting anything. Him: What makes you think that? You always got me something. Me: went quiet realizing he wants to be one of the children instead of an adult. He wants to run with the children and be a child with a wife catering to the inner child instead of an equal partner in an adult relationship. He expected gifts without ever thinking of giving gifts. That is the emotional makeup of a MEM. They matter. They are the center of attention. They are who counts. They want to be comfortable. They want to feel safe. They want to be taken care of. They want ...they want....they want... they want....
Want until the person giving is out of energy.
2 Comments
B
7/23/2022 07:45:24 pm
Thank you my mem NEVER shows emotions for any gift I’ve ever given. I presume none of them are good enough for him by the way he appears to brush them off in a sense. I didn’t realize this was a mem thing. It’s painful because it feels like a rejection. He never gets me any gifts either. But at times will mention wanting to do an extensive experience for a gift, like dropping a hint to me, even though we’re financially drowning right now. Like he thinks he deserves for me to drop $500-$700 on this gift each year around his bday. I never do though and my gifts are getting less and less each year to match what he’s getting me (only a card).
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Deedee
8/16/2022 10:51:58 am
B, does your MEM get all mushy when he gets gifts from mom? My MEM would be all excited at her gifts even if they were stupid or ugly, but anything I gave was no reaction, no thank you, no expression, just took it. Some he would return to the store soon after. He would never return anything from his mother.
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AuthorIn a relationship with a Mother Enmeshed Men for over 17 years, 15 married. Way too long! Lots of experience and insight into what it is like to be the spouse of a MEM and what a MEM couple can do to survive. Archives
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