To put a ceiling on our joy that others feel more comfortable around us really struck a note with me. That is exactly what I did. My MEMs family is miserable. There is no joy, no laughter, no singing, no happiness. Life is just to be endured but not to enjoy. In college I had lots of great friends. We went camping together, rode horses, hiked, mountain biked, danced, and more. It was fun. There was a lot of laughter. A lot of gentle teasing. Once I married a MEM my laughter died. I realized laughing upset my MEM. He never laughed. All week was work and stress and lots of complaining. Life was hard. Life was not supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be hard work. I gave up being happy. I couldn't enjoy life when it made my MEM and his family feel so uncomfortable. I became someone I didn't like. MEM control their partners, sometimes without saying a word. Simply by their reactions to us. MEM spouses are empath. We want to help. We are willing to sacrifice for our MEMs happiness. Until we figure out nothing will help a MEM be happy. MEM are angry and miserable inside. It is a long road to find happiness and joy again, laughter and fun. But life is to be enjoyed, do not let your MEM dictated a ceiling on your joy. Do not give up who you are for him. Give him up before you give up yourself.
I have been reading a book by Christiane Northrup, M.D. Called “Dodging Energy Vampires.” Almost every page I found accurate descriptions of partners of MEM. Mem spouses or partners are usually empath. They want to help. They are willing to sacrifice to make someone else feel better. They give up who they are thinking it will help the mem to feel better about them and they will be happy. I believe a MEM teaches the partner to have an upper limit of joy. We are supposed to be miserable like they are. Dr. Northrup uses Dr. Gay Hendricks book “The Big Leap” to point out this problem. “We all learn an “upper limit” to how much joy, pleasure, and happiness-and other exalted emotions-we're supposed to feel. Our families and cultures teach us that there is a limit to how much joy we are allowed to experience. No doubt you've heard someone say, “You're having way too much fun over there” - if you are laughing and enjoying yourself. Or “Don't toot your own horn.” All of these phrases speak to the fact that many of us-especially highly sensitive individuals-learn early on to put a ceiling on our joy so that others will feel more comfortable around us.”
To put a ceiling on our joy that others feel more comfortable around us really struck a note with me. That is exactly what I did. My MEMs family is miserable. There is no joy, no laughter, no singing, no happiness. Life is just to be endured but not to enjoy. In college I had lots of great friends. We went camping together, rode horses, hiked, mountain biked, danced, and more. It was fun. There was a lot of laughter. A lot of gentle teasing. Once I married a MEM my laughter died. I realized laughing upset my MEM. He never laughed. All week was work and stress and lots of complaining. Life was hard. Life was not supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be hard work. I gave up being happy. I couldn't enjoy life when it made my MEM and his family feel so uncomfortable. I became someone I didn't like. MEM control their partners, sometimes without saying a word. Simply by their reactions to us. MEM spouses are empath. We want to help. We are willing to sacrifice for our MEMs happiness. Until we figure out nothing will help a MEM be happy. MEM are angry and miserable inside. It is a long road to find happiness and joy again, laughter and fun. But life is to be enjoyed, do not let your MEM dictated a ceiling on your joy. Do not give up who you are for him. Give him up before you give up yourself.
2 Comments
mocha
12/6/2021 06:38:14 am
YES! My MEM and his mother are always unhappy. Though he has a lot of money now, his mother still spends the day scrubbing floors and doing dishes(although there is help for it) just to show how miserable she is. The MEM is always overworked because well if there isnt work then he is basically nothing. He has no boundaries and will take work calls ANYWHERE. They both look sad and dead. Also they do not know how to celebrate at all.
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Deedee
12/10/2021 02:31:26 pm
The scrubbing floors reminded me of my MEMs mother. She was up at 4 am Thanksgiving, way back when we still visited with her, and then complained all day how she had to get up early to make rolls so they would be fresh. Just so miserable serving others and wanting to be acknowledged as the Saint who would get up early to make rolls. I swore I would never be this stupid and manipulative. I have no problem confessing I buy frozen rolls and sleep in on Thanksgiving. MEM families are miserable, always. Nothing will make them happy. Nothing.
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AuthorIn a relationship with a Mother Enmeshed Men for over 17 years, 15 married. Way too long! Lots of experience and insight into what it is like to be the spouse of a MEM and what a MEM couple can do to survive. Archives
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