Reading “The Body Keeps the Score” I realized that living with a MEM has health consequences. Unresolved trauma shows up in the body, Sometimes mystery illness or autoimmune disorder or mental illness. I went through the women I know married to MEM and each one of them has health problems. Arthritis, depression, anxiety, eczema, and more. One of my friends divorced her MEM and married a man who is present, masculine, and protects her. Her anxiety attacks went away. She now has a husband who is safely attached to her and helps her calm her brain waves.
When we have chronic stress or complex trauma, our body treats it like all other “invasions” of the body like illness. The cytokines level goes up. But instead of fixing the problem, the problem persists and the cytokines level stays up. That will lead to autoimmune diseases. High stress at all times will eventually break down the body. Living with a MEM is high stress at all times. Like we say, walking on eggshells. There is no safety in the relationship. One never knows when the criticism strikes, the put downs, the comparison with the perfect mother or sister, the body shaming, and so on.
Our past experiences of abuse, neglect, emotional torturing is an invasion of our body and the body reacts by trying to fix it. Constant stress and abuse by a MEM will lead the partner to be at higher risk for depression, anxiety, autoimmune disorder, cancer, arthritis, rheumatism, psoriasis, and more. Essentially our bodies aren't attacking us, they are trying to heal us into homeostasis, simply reacting to your environment, however the stress never stops.
My own journey was with my psoas muscle. Five different doctors couldn't figure out what gave me pain so severe I couldn't sleep and couldn't move. I spent nights in a hot bathtub to help relax my muscles not knowing what is happening. Diagnosed with lactose intolerance, wheat allergy, ovarian cyst, bad posture and more guesses, I found no relief. It took a naturalistic doctor and lots of physical therapy to help the pain. I finally knew where to focus my research on and found that psoas problems are emotional problems. Heavy burdens, trauma, no support.
To protect our bodies from falling apart we need boundaries, the strengths to keep negative criticizing people away from us, including our mem and his family. Get us much time away from them as possible if you have to still be around them. If you no longer have to be around them, celebrate your health.